Open Letter to Faith Based Feminists of any gender, regarding People of Praise

 Faith-based feminists (male, female, and non-binary) in my feed (and you can share this if you want to):

I've been thinking about this People of Praise cult. And yes, I'm going to call it a cult and people who don't like it can die mad about my calling it a cult. But keep your pants on.

I don't think People of Praise inspired Handmaid's Tale - exactly. Probably some elements. PoP IS a Christian cult. Atwood didn't have to copy PoP to choose some version of Christian cult, write a work of fiction about it, and have people find it hitting too close to home.

I DO think that feminists could infiltrate this cult and turn it into a feminist-empowered organization. PoP members claim that they used to call women Handmaids in deference to Mary, Mother of Jesus. Mary said, and I'm paraphrasing (from memory, not citing any particular Bible translation) here, "I am the Handmaid of the Lord, let it be done to me as you say." However, Mary, Mother of Jesus, who was married to Joseph, did not consummate her marriage with her husband in order to conceive Jesus.

So if I were a male PoP, of course I would pervert the Bible (using the Apostle Paul, because that's the only Biblical account that supports rampant sexism) so my wife would have sex with me and I would be her master. But Paul's teachings are bogus because Mary didn't offer to be handmaid to Joseph. She promised to be handmaid to God. So let the immaculate conceptions commence.

Men/husbands are absolutely unnecessary for conception, and if honored with adoptive fatherhood of a woman's offspring, should honor and revere that woman and child as Joseph did Mary and Jesus.

Look to your Bibles, Christians. Does Joseph EVER contradict Mary in public? Does he EVER command her to act in any kind of way? In fact, Joseph is never even quoted in the Bible. He honors and supports a woman who is pregnant not by him, and helps raise the child in spite of not being that child's biological parent. Take that, Apostle Paul. Take that, Patriarchal Christian cultists. We need feminism much more than we need you. We need supportive men like Joseph, who are present but in the background of history. Who support women who make history.

Feminists -- male and female and non-binary: We need more Josephs. And the only way to get them is the raise them, to marry them, and to be them. Accept no lesser men. Or accept the men, but reject any and every bad behavior. As a spouse, do not tolerate bad (abusive) behavior from your husband, partner, or male-presenting child. As a man in a position of patriarchal privilege, call out bad behavior of other men, from sexist jokes to verbal putdowns to physical abuse and abandonment. Mary is outspoken, by conservative standards, on multiple occasions. Paul was misguided to declare that women should submit. We don't know his motives and they don't matter here. Paul should have been looking to Mary for guidance. Feminists, we can correct this mistake.

I personally cannot don the mantle of Christianity. Can't do it as a recovering Catholic. Won't do it as a Protestant. I am a believer in a Divine and also in the Divine as reflected in every thing and every one I see around me (with a few exceptions of free will run amok). I am in loving relationships with Atheists and Pagans and Jews and Muslims and Hindus. With people who refuse to put definitions and limitations on the Infinite. Only one group has reached levels of hypocrisy antithetical to the supposed teachings revealed by the holy books and the presumed Savior of the faith. I am aware that Christianity is not one gnarled tree growing bent and broken in rocky soil. It is splinters of the Trees of Life and Knowledge, bombed by greed, abuse, avarice, and other vices of corrupting power, sometimes joining together briefly with other splinters in pursuit of more power.

Normally, I advocate for strict separation of Church and State, but this is not a normal time. Churches have pushed our State too far and done too little to help the vulnerable. So if you believe in your faith, take up this mantle. Infiltrate the cults of Patriarchy with the convictions bestowed on you by God. Take back your faith from the grips of the cultists. Do it in the name of God, and do it to protect the most vulnerable of God's people.

The Man at the Door

I saw him out of the corner of my eye as I set my purchases on the counter.

He was standing by the door, and when he notices me noticing, he smiles at me.

He was a good-looking guy. Nice build. Nice smile.

And I could feel him checking me out as I was checking out my groceries.

I'm sure he was a nice guy.

I'm sure his mama raised him right.

But my gut told me something was wrong.

So I chatted with the clerk. 

And I bagged my items -- really slowly.

But he was still standing there.

He wasn’t waiting for anyone else. Only for me.

I should have been flattered.

He was a nice-looking boy.

The kind that holds doors open for women

Not the kind that kicks cats when women aren’t looking.

But looks can be deceiving

I didn’t know him

And my gut told me something was wrong.

A million and one thoughts went through the head

Of the girl I had been taught to be, the feminist I knew I was,

And the person who was just minding her own business at the grocery store.

The me that was all of these and none of these and more

Kept waiting for the guy to move.

In a perfect world, I would know

All he wanted was a thank you and a smile

Some acknowledgement that one human being recognized another

And was grateful.

But in the world that I know

A smile is sometimes mistaken for an invitation

A smile can twist quickly into a sneer -- a show of power and contempt

Contempt for me, contempt for humanity

Contempt for my right to be

So I found my voice and I nearly yelled, “What are you doing?”

And waited for his answer.

I wanted everyone in the store to hear, to witness.

“I’m just holding the door for you,” he said.

His eyebrows raised in innocence. Smile fixed on his face.

Another day this could have been the start of a beautiful fairy tale.

But it was also one flipped switch from my death in a horror film.

“I do not need a man to hold the door for me,” I said.

“You need to move. You need to leave me alone,” I said to this stranger to me.

Did he call me a bitch under his breath?

Someone did.

It was not only a thousand voices inside my head

Telling me to get in the kitchen and make that nice man a sandwich.

Give him my number. Marry him.

I didn’t ask him to hold the door.

We didn’t meet by chance

Didn’t approach the door at the same time

He stood there. Like a stalker

And I don’t know him

Don’t want to

And here’s the thing

If I was rude, I missed the guy of a lifetime. That’s on me.

But if his motives were pure, someone else will notice

Because maybe nice guys finish last, but they do finish.

However, if my gut was right

And he was looking for payback

Or to follow me out to my car

To take away my agency

Or worse

Then this was a fairy tale

And I am my own hero

Slaying dragons with my hands full of groceries

And winning.

Written for performance at Gusa by Victoria March 9, 2017

2nd Thursday Nights Open Mic 7-9PM

Gusa by Victoria

252 W Philadelphia

York PA 17401

The Man at the Door was written in response to a man misappropriating a woman's text rant, turning it into a meme, and calling her a feminazi. I could have ignored the online mansplaining, but when a group of women didn't, and attacked the woman and her agency, I needed to re-frame the conversation. 

Visit Author Mother Dreamer Phyl Campbell on Facebook, this blog, or her website.

Back to the Beginning

As we approach the New Year, I've decided to write a little something about each of my books, starting with the first one published. If this little blurb peaks your interest, please go check it out on Amazon.

Mother Confessor

Mother Confessor Book 1

In book one, young children gather around the Mother Confessor, eager for the only story she ever tells. Throughout the decades, they are shocked to hear of the kidnapping, frightened to learn about the murders, and overjoyed to learn that one of their own breaks through the "curse" to save a little girl from their hometown.

Mother Confessor Book Two

In book two, but as children get older, they aren't content to hear the stories.  They want answers they aren't getting.  Despite being their Mother Confessor, their storyteller is withholding information.  Do their lives depend on it?


Or get both books under a shared cover!

Mother Confessor 2 in 1 edition

Poverty Is Sexist -- and Governments Aid Corporations

I've recently been in online arguments with people who say things that I just can't let go:
1) Hilary Clinton should be in jail.
2) There's no difference between Trump and Clinton.
3) Feminism isn't needed.
4) Poverty is a result of people not working hard enough.

And on these four things, I call bullshit. Poverty is sexist, government aids corporations, there is a huge difference between those two candidates, and if Hilary Clinton belongs in jail, our entire Congress, Wall Street, and countless other CEOs need to occupy the cells next to her. I don't think you survive in a corrupt organization with clean hands or a clean record. You just have to go in knowing what you are fighting for. Sometimes you have to know what you are fighting against.

Trump picked Mike Pence for his running mate. Women started Periods for Pence years ago and recently resurrected it. In solidarity, I resurrected this piece I wrote for Wikinut some years back because the Trump camp doesn't see a problem with the SCOTUS decision. However, I do and I want this decision reversed.Voting for Hilary Clinton will be a positive step in reversing this terrible decision.

From the Wikinut Files: America's War On Women:

The SCOTUS decision in Burwell V Hobby Lobby has been met with praise from one side and an outcry from the other. Here's why I'm in the latter camp and think you should be, too. (Warning: facts and data, rather than blind assumptions based on bigotry and greed, will be found in this article.)

Supreme Court Ruling

In Burwell V Hobby Lobby, the 5-4 opinion of the Supreme Court was to side with the corporation and allow four types of birth control to be excluded from employer-insurance plans. The court argued that the government could fill the gaps, and requiring companies to provide medications that "are against their religion" would be unfair due to US Constitutional expectation of freedom of religion.

The dissenting opinion, presented by female justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, has already been made into a song. Listen to it:

Some of the lyrics include:

"The court, I fear, has ventured into a minefield / of slut-shaming geezers."
and "any decision to use contraceptive is not propelled by the government / it's the woman's autonomous choice informed by her doctor." 

Writer and performer Jonathon Man may have taken some artistic liberties with Ginsburg's 35 page dissent, but the result is something catchy that might help today's generation see why so many loathe and fear the decision that was made. Besides, since a guy wrote it, it might actually be taken seriously.

Why It Matters -- 9 Reasons

Hell Hath No Fury

So why does it matter to me if I don't work for Hobby Lobby, don't shop there, and don't support their practices? Here are a few reasons why I still feel I have some skin in the game.

1) Hobby Lobby is not the only corporation wanting the exemption. Nor are the founders of Hobby Lobby solely craft store owners. I could shop somewhere else while boycotting Hobby Lobby and still be supporting them unknowingly.

2) Hobby Lobby gets its products from China. This is major hypocrisy for the "American" and "Christian" company that wants to make sure babies aren't aborted in the course of doing business.

3) Health Insurance benefits are provided compensation for work done by employees. Doctors, not corporations, should have final say in medications prescribed and taken by patients/employees. Employees already pay premiums, deductibles, and other costs for having this insurance, so taking certain medications off the table will require women to pay twice. The increased cost for women working in minimum wage jobs could increase the amount of women needing government assistance -- paid for through everyone's tax dollars. Every time a corporation pushes an expense onto its workers, and the government tries to step in, everyone pays -- and the poor pay a higher percentage than the rich do -- by far.

4) In addition to buying products from China and reselling them in the US, Hobby Lobby also invests in pharmaceutical companies. And even though there are religious provisions provided by stockbrokers and financial analysts so that people and corporations can opt out of companies with differing religious views, Hobby Lobby has not made use of those options. This COULD signal a desire to wipe out birth control from inside the companies, much in the same way that organizations like Hobby Lobby are going to extreme legal measures to shut down Planned Parenthood buildings and other women's clinics that provide abortion services.

5) This ruling opens a minefield of religious exemptions and opportunities for discrimination against women and other groups opposed by various religions. Despite the fact that the justices' majority opinion stated that the exemption was related to the corporation's views on abortion and conception, this ruling could be used as a precedent for any corporation run by members of certain religious groups to justify and expand bans on health care services. The court costs alone for this litigation are expenses this country does not need to incur, and any further losses could prevent necessary medical care via health discrimination. For companies that decide to withhold the care and require employees to sue them for just compensation, lives can be lost before families of covered employees can present their cases to court. If a family must choose between medical expenses and legal expenses, which do you think they will choose? Corporations have much better resources to allocate towards litigation than individuals, especially individuals whose job prospects are along the lines of entry level jobs at Hobby Lobby.

6) If SCOTUS was looking for a way to kill the Affordable Care Act, I believe they just found it. Not only had Hobby Lobby included the medications they now want banned in their insurance package before the ACA was passed, but religious exemptions picked up by the government could very quickly skyrocket and further bankrupt an already bankrupt system. Hobby Lobby is not some mom and pop craft store. There are two locations within ten minute's drive of my house. According to an ABC news article by Scott Wilson*, Founded in 1970, "Hobby Lobby has since expanded to 572 stores nation-wide, with a revenue of $3.3 billion in 2013." That's Billion. With a B.

7) The four** pills being banned may have other uses not directly tied to reproduction, either now or in the future. Penicillin is made from bread mold. A lot of vaccinations started out as other things. Researchers make a drug for one purpose and find that it works really well to solve some other problem. When corporations with no medical expertise get to pick and choose what medicines are allowed and which may be denied, health is affected. Period. Also, I have not seen a ruling on whether, since money for the medication is banned, payment for the required exam leading to such a prescription would also be denied. This would effectively double the number of doctor visits sexually active women need in order to cover their health care -- extra appointments that would require unpaid time away from work and extra costs. Doctor visits not covered by insurance can easily run over $100 each, in my personal experience. Government clinics do have cheaper options, but the lines are much longer and they don't always accept appointments. One must balance cheap care and available time to wait for it.

8) Related to number 7. I should not have to worry about being pregnant. I have only had one partner and he has had a vasectomy. However, I may have an illness that one of the four banned pills would cure or help. It is also possible, given the war on women, that retribution from this article -- or the way I dress (or don't dress), or look (or don't look) -- could result in me being overpowered and raped, and becoming pregnant from the rape. For some people, that might be a sign from God to have a baby. To me, it would be a sign from God that I needed to go to a clinic, report the rape, get tested, prevent any chance of pregnancy from becoming a baby, and prosecute my attacker(s). Equally concerning is that I have three sisters and a sister in law. All much more attractive than me. Two are unmarried. Should they be attacked, they should not also fear being shamed by their employers. Should she be sexually active but not wishing to become a mother, an employee's religion and her personal convictions should determine that -- not her for-profit employers.

9) Hobby Lobby, while claiming to be a Christian organization that fights for the rights of the unborn, does not fight to protect families with children. They are among many corporations that do not pay for maternity leave, allow paid time off for prenatal doctor visits, or anything else that would be consistent with a truly Christian agenda.

10 -- just as a reminder and a bonus) Hobby Lobby is a BILLION dollar generating CRAFT STORE. It is not a CHURCH.

*entire article can be found at http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2014/06/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-hobby-lobby-billionaires/

** Since the original ruling, 16 more drugs have been added to the list that employers no longer have to cover, with the intent that ALL birth control medications, including those used to fight endometriosis and other non-sexual health-related issues, are at the discretion of employers to deny to women who pay deductibles and premiums for government subsidized health insurance.

A Better Solution to the Problem

The best solution* would be for the government to remove its contributions to employer provided insurance benefits so that businesses would pay their employees outright instead of offering the benefits. In turn, companies providing health insurance would turn to hospitals, clinics, and patients for clientele -- rather like the way we do car and property insurance in this country. In this scenario, employers could have whatever religious bigotry they wanted without impacting individuals. Employees could purchase whatever insurance they wanted, not worry about losing insurance when changing jobs, and PROBABLY get better group coverage. Large companies, small companies, and self-employed people would all have the same access to insurance -- and it would not have to be single-payer government insurance.

John Green, author of Fault in Our Stars, also has a lot of fact and data-based ideas about American Health Insurance and the tangled issue of health care. Watch his very informative video:

*I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've worked up answers to every objection I've come across over the last 10 years or so. I won't go into them here, but leave questions or concerns in the comments section and I'll address them in a future article. Mr. Green is right that insurance is only one of several big problems, but I think removing employers from the doctor/patient/politics equation is an achievable first goal.

Hypothetical (but very plausible) Scenario

Planned Parenthood Pie Chart

So, let's say Heaven (a fictional person) worked at HL and quit due to the policies. Let's further say that she went to work for another craft store requiring a similar skill set -- Craft Store B. In making the switch, Heaven will likely have to wait 90 days or more to be covered by this new employer's insurance policy. Maybe she can afford gap coverage. Maybe she can't. And if she was pregnant or became pregnant in those 90 days, the new company's insurance can deny coverage based on her "pre-existing condition." The same holds true for men switching jobs and trying to keep their SAHM spouses covered. So even someone who was not planning an abortion of any kind but supportive of equal rights is hurt by this ruling. And it goes on:

In the meantime, Craft Company B, who hired Heaven after she left HL, is struggling financially because they have to follow all the rules of the Affordable Care Act while HL doesn't. Since HL has no problem making money off people who don't believe the same as they pretend, they are able to invest more -- and they invest in pharmaceutical companies that sell and manufacturer contraceptives as well as buying cheap goods from China. The money made from these endeavors could pay for lawyers who could get certain pharmaceuticals banned or eliminated, ruled unsafe, or any other tactic. A strong enough interest in any company can effectively change the company. Alternatively, HL could buy out Craft Company B and then the 90 days Heaven went without insurance were for nothing.

Therefore, this is more than a difference of opinion. I present this scenario as hypothetical, but do not feel anything in it is far fetched or even unsubstantiated by what we already know is being maneuvered by these corporations.

War on Women -- not (entirely) Man's Fault

Men don't seem to mind solid nutrition...

There is a war on women. That is not to say that men are the only attackers. Many of the people I have been battling have been other women. I'm not sure why it is that women feel the need to attack rather than build up -- but they do.
Some examples: "natural" versus epidural birth,
breast-versus-bottle feeding, 
working moms versus SAHMs,
breast-feeding in public versus not, 
slut-shaming based on clothing,
contraception versus "natural" family planning 
All of these have become bitter battlegrounds where women tear other women apart. 
In the meantime,

women earn less than men for doing the same job,

government legislation is constantly being proposed -- and passed!! -- that would deny women essential decisions over their health and well-being.

Raped women are being forced to carry the children of their rape and share parental rights with their rapists.

Women are denied positions in many religious organizations, shamed and damned if they disagree publicly with those decisions -- or even raise questions.

Men who have sex are studs; women who have sex are whores.

The list goes on and on and on and on.

One (male) friend of mine said, for example, "men should have NO problem seeing a pair of exposed breasts in public. They (exposed breasts) should be welcomed and appreciated." (He understood that what he was saying was at least slightly sexist, but given the spirit he was trying to convey, I think more would appreciate his comment than be offended by it.) He went on to say "Man boobs are disgusting, but there's no law against them. Or plumber's cracks." Then he shuddered. I did too.

More Battles of the War On Women

When a young athletic male bares his chest at a ball game, school, or park, women may ogle him but chances are the guy is safe from being raped. Yet women exposing skin (or nor exposing it) are not, and we tell women that is their fault. We tell girls that they have a responsibility to keep boys' thoughts pure (like that's possible). Here are more articles I've written regarding slut shaming and gender discrimination. J and K relate most closely, then article I:

A) Something for Everybody

B) Joan

C) Namioka

D) Girls on Their Team

E) Out of that Silence Came 1000 voices

F) Withholding Sex

G)Aging Grayfully

H)Dress Code for Teachers

I)Separation of Church and State

J)Slut Shaming

K)Is Not Rape Prevention

L)When I Say I'm Unchurched

M)Prosecution

N)Death of Hate

Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes and conducts workshops on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her via her website or Facebook page.

Tired of Low Teacher Pay

I could write for years about this one topic and never say the exact same thing twice, but at the same time, it's all the same. It's nothing personal -- except that it is profoundly personal.

I won't waste anyone's time. We all know what's at stake. It's very simple.

What we give teachers is what we give our students -- and when it isn't enough, we all suffer.

PAY TEACHERS MORE. This includes teachers, aides, subs, anyone who works with students needs the freedom to do just that.

REDUCE TEACHER WORKLOAD. So many teachers get burned out having to do too much for too many with not enough. So many teachers are also parents. They should be able to work part time for what is now considered full time pay. This would help in a lot of areas.

It's time we did more than gripe about Common Core and high-stakes testing. Pay teachers more, reduce their working hours and responsibilities, and respect the work they do, Let teachers figure out what they need. This is the path to change.

Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes and conducts workshops on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her via her website or Facebook page.

No, I Don't Wish We Could Go Back to the Days...

People and nostalgia are funny. And not always in a good way.

I've seen several memes wishing we could return to the days where kids played Cowboys and Indians.

And then there was the horrible holiday photo of the female family members tied up with Christmas lights and with their mouths taped shut while the guys rejoiced and held up a sign saying "Peace on Earth."

THEY say kids these days have no respect. And generally, THEY are the same people demanding for others to say "Merry CHRISTmas," not "Happy Holidays."

So who has no respect?

Back in the day, we thought it was perfectly OK for a white kid to paint his face black and be Chubby Checker. I'm sure there have been days where people with darker skin tones wished they could white wash to get a better job, to protect their kids from police brutality, to get better housing. Not permanently, because the goal is to be accepted as is. But on the days when some things just needed to go right and didn't.

Back in the day -- a day before my day -- people owned people. We've gotten past that, but not very far past. Because workers in our most trusted professions -- teachers and nurses -- fear losing their jobs to outsourcing. They fear going to the bathroom or taking a sick day. These people care for our sick and educate our children, and their employers (up to and including lawmakers) defend corporations and add difficulties to the lives of these individuals that we could not function without. And what does the average person do about it? Nothing.

If American women stood in solidarity with each other the way women have in Africa and Norway and every other civilized (and some not) country on this planet, we could achieve the goal of gender equality in weeks rather than lifetimes. But we don't. People have nostalgia for "Leave it to Beaver," failing to appreciate that June Cleaver was a paid actress (Barbara Billingsley) who had two young boys at home or school while she was on set with "The Beaver." And we take two steps back for every inch forward.

Back in the day we sat Indian style and had one or two pages about the Trail of Tears in our history books. We used brown paper grocery bags to mimic buckskin clothing and we designed tee-pees. Maybe we painted our faces and whooped a lot. Today we still have our young people dress up as Pilgrims and Natives for Thanksgiving feasts. We don't talk about what Columbus and other explorers and settlers did to indigenous people in the US until our children are much older. We neglect the whole truth.

We lie.

And then we wonder why young people do not respect us?

We talk to our children about racism and being colorblind, but we haven't stopped telling racist jokes and laughing at caricatures. We haven't stopped trying to explain why black kids deserve to be shot by cops, but affluenza is a legitimate legal defense, and white young (and not so young) men who go on killing sprees live to stand trial. We accept the bull crap that it is a difference of opinion that is the reason so many people fear Muslims that Muslim kids are afraid to be in public American schools. I know, because I'm friends with their parents or their friends' parents. It's not something being made up to garner sympathy. And it's ridiculous.

And sexism? I could go on for days. People act like boys have no self control and they shame and police what girls and women wear.

Then they call out the sissies (like me) who complain that the choir sings way too many love songs. Back in my day, it was "Silhouettes in the Shade" and "Going to the Chapel." Today, it's Bieber's "Mistletoe" and the revived old song about Cindy with the refrain "Get along home/Cindy,Cindy/I'll marry you someday." It's every Disney movie (and the vast majority of popular films, period) with a major section devoted to the handsome prince as love interest. It's the women's roles that are still lacking. It's how when Jennifer Lawrence openly discusses how much less she made than her male co-stars in a film -- people criticize HER because she made an exorbitant sum in the first place. It's the presidential candidate who's on the record saying if his daughter wasn't his daughter, he might be dating her. Sure, it's just a joke. So were the girls tied up in holiday lights. I'm not laughing.

Anyone else see a pattern?

It is about respect. It is about being KIND and COMPASSIONATE to others. And people who want respect not giving it.

I didn't create this. These are someone else's words. But I agree with these words.

I feel confident most of the people posting these memes or making these curriculum choices aren't bad people. Maybe not even racist people. But they do, some of them, want to keep Muslims out. They do want to limit immigration. They want to make it harder for people to be here and be successful here. Often in direct opposition to their own histories of immigration and success.

Still, I know they wouldn't ever say "I wish we could go back to the days when black people had no rights." I feel confident they would never say "I wish we could have another Trail of Tears for those uppity Indians" or "we should round up all the Japanese again -- don't like those squinty eyes." (Sorry, George.)

But that's where backwards takes us. Pining for those terrible good old days is asking a lot of people to go back to being bugs on the windshield of life. And I'm very happy not to be a bug, thank you very much. Those jokes -- those memes that are just meant to be funny -- those songs -- they make a pattern. They drop an anchor toward something in the past and our entire boat starts moving backward and sinking.

People should very much want to move forward. To create, to innovate, to work together towards common goals. To respect differences of opinion. To be kind.

Ribbing on our friends is one thing. Our friends can rib right back. And we get to decide if there is a limit to that. We get to say. And our kids are watching us so they will know.

However, if the way we treat others -- those who can do nothing to us -- our subordinates at work, our students, our teachers, our janitors, our caretakers, our (dare I say it) food service providers -- makes our kids stop respecting us, then we deserve their vitriol.

I want to keep my Apple products by the son of a Syrian refugee (Steve Jobs), my Dave Matthews Band music (he's from South Africa), my Sammy Sosa baseball (Dominican Republic), even my memories of Back to the Future (Michael J. Fox lived his first 18 years in Canada, don'tcha know?). Eek! Those are all male examples!  And I want to know and be influenced by Malala, and Leymah Gbowee, and Stana Katic, and Sandra Oh. And I want to be influenced by my good friends who aren't famous (yet) They're from the US -- and Mexico, Eritrea, Nepal, Peru, Malaysia, Egypt, and the Middle East. Their children are raising the bar for the rest of their classmates in all sorts of ways. I want to see more people working hard like that. Working smart like that. 

And I want my kid to respect me. So I know I have to earn it.



Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her through her website or Facebook page.

To Show Solidarity? Be a Friend.

To some, wearing the hajib as a non-Muslim is a sign of solidarity. To others, it is a sign of misappropriation. Some women wear the hajib as part of their Muslim faith. Others do not. If not forced by another person to don the hajib, then the hajib seems to be a garment of personal choice.

Muslims are being attacked in the United States because of the actions of extremist terrorists. And many people are afraid. Not everyone is afraid that every Muslim is a terrorist. However, some people are afraid of offending Muslim people because, surrounded by non-Muslim people, they do not know how to show a Muslim person that they are a friend. Wearing the hajib makes a rather bold statement. I’m not going to put down anyone who chooses this path.

When I was teaching English as a Second Language as part of my commitment to Americorps, I took to wearing colorful kerchiefs. I chose to cover my head for speed (I’m not a morning person), for vanity (because I won’t dye my grey hair, nor am I happy about the inevitable), and for fun. My colorful kerchiefs, with peace signs, cherries, flowers, and butterflies, kept my hair out of my face and brightened my rather dull wardrobe. I am not my kerchiefs and my kerchiefs are not me, but my kerchiefs did set me apart from the other teachers. And I was asked if it was a religious thing. This gave me an opening to ask my Muslim students about their head coverings.

Had I not been teaching that class, I would not have met many wonderful people of all faiths. Now that I am not teaching the ESL class, I feel comfortable meeting my students as friends for breakfasts or lunches or other informal get togethers. I still get some funny looks when the friend I am waiting to meet does not appear to speak the same language I do, wears a hajib, or is in some other way different from me. 

But this isn’t about me. Attacks on Muslims who are not terrorists do not attack me. So I don't need to don a hajib to show solidarity. I agree with noorulannshalid who said “It’s much more constructive to actually give Muslim women a platform- sit down with us, talk to us, listen and observe. Don’t speak on our behalf or play dress up and then write [an article about it].” But others, like unveiledthought, appreciate any sign of solidarity, and see no harm in non-Muslims wearing the hajib. Neither woman is the appointed spokeswoman for all other women – Muslim or otherwise. But both bring valid points to the table of the conversation.

How should we show solidarity to our sisters when we aren’t Muslim and don’t know any Muslims? We post our solidarity on Facebook and comment on blogs, but those voices can be fairly faceless. (It is, however, a good way to present ideas to people who are reading, but afraid to speak out. Maybe something we write will inspire whatever freedom someone else needs to express their own agency.) We can talk to our friends. But if all our friends look like us, then maybe we don’t learn very much. Some of us have the opportunity, skills, or experience to work or socialize with someone who is different from us. We can learn a lot from those friendships. Other people wear the hajib as a flag – “Hey! Notice me! In a sea of hate, I would be your friend!” I can’t hate on a person willing to do that.

Hopefully, if you are one who is offended by cultural appropriation (which means you likely lean left enough to know what those words mean), you will engage the hajib-wearer positively. Befriend them. Once they know YOU, they will have a better understanding about why you feel wearing the garment is misplaced. Then they can make a decision about their attire that includes their concern for your friendship.

It is extremely awkward to approach a group of people and request friendship and a greater appreciation for other cultures. You might look for a college or an adult education center where you might volunteer. This would give you more opportunities to engage with others and learn their stories.

In the meantime, I think the best thing EVERYONE can do is be themselves (the nice version) and be a friend. Go public places with your friends in hajib and show that hajib and non-hajib wearers alike can be friends. Talk about the things you have in common – crazy family members, a love of reading, pets, disgust with traffic. Be visible being YOU with your friend as two people (or a group of people) who are different, and comfortable being different. I think that is the way to show the Great American Melting Pot – turned mosaic – that brings so many people here.

~~~

For further reading on the hajib:

http://katv.com/news/local/conway-woman-vows-to-wear-hijab-to-support-muslim-women-in-america

http://unveiledthought.com/2015/02/28/is-it-offensive-for-non-muslim-women-to-wear-a-hijab/

https://noorulannshahid.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/why-i-co-created-the-notohijabappropriation-hashtag-in-response-to-world-hijab-day/

Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her through her website or Facebook page.

Review of the Book of Life

Today is Thursday, where I'd normally do book reviews. Yesterday was April Fool's Day, So I didn't do my typical Women Wednesday posting. Last week was Spring Break, so on the whole, I've been a slacker. I could write a book review today, but I'm working on #25Reasons and that's what I need to be doing to meet my goal there.  Here's the latest cover -- the ink is still drying on the page I printed:

But if you connect with me on social media (FB), then you'll know I have been very busy with something I'm very passionate about -- supporting people who are being abused by people who don't realize they are in positions of privilege.  I know something about this. Two years ago, I wrote When I Say I'm Unchurched, and it means just as much today as when I wrote it. (I just put the title into a search engine, and mine's the first article that pulls up. That's a pretty awesome feeling.) At some point, I need to update that article to direct people HERE and not Wordpress, but that's minor.

Before I was a mother, and before DOMA, I was pretty happy calling out damned liberals from my safe space as a feminist in the Republican camp. I had great respect for Barbara Bush and Elizabeth Dole. I really thought that education and hard work could help anybody become as wealthy or successful as they wanted to be.

Now, more than a decade older, and I hope wiser, I have seen the outspoken powerful minority of the conservative party do things to offend reason -- in the name of a set of religious ideas that I don't share -- while a much quieter majority looks on without stopping the madness. People should be free to celebrate their religion. As someone no longer in practice, let me say how many churchgoers have many privileges they do not even realize they have. My fifth grader was supposed to do a research project on the culture of his family. One fifth of the project was supposed to have been about his religion. I'm not comfortable sticking a label on him for an assignment. He wasn't raised in a church community to know how damning it is to be without one. It was the tipping point reason (not the primary or only one) to take him out of brick and mortar school and enroll him in public school online -- so his grade wasn't affected by leaving out a fifth of his "research project." But then we get into the literature class online and one of the units is "Stories From the Bible." As it turned out, my son enjoyed the stories. David and Goliath. Daniel in the Lion's Den. The Loaves and Fish. Seeing them through my son's eyes helped me see them differently than the way I was spoon-fed them in my religious education classes. I could equate them with the Tall Tales and Legends we had read, and the stories of Roman and Greek gods. Reading the Bible stories did not demand that anyone declare himself Christian or Protestant or Atheist.  

People aren't getting how HATE isn't part of the Christian doctrine. Jesus surrounded himself with women, with lepers, with tax collectors, with PEOPLE. All sorts of people. But the stories in the Qu'ran bear striking similarities with the Bible. Many religious texts mirror stories I recognize from the Bible. So I don't like well meaning Christians telling haters to move to Iran. I have Muslim friends. They assume I'm Christian. They're still wonderful to me -- they're wonderful people. I have Asian friends who are forbidden religion. They assume I'm Christian. They're wonderful to me -- they are wonderful people. What most of us can agree on is that the people are fine -- it's the power that corrupts. My decision to remain outside of a religious faith stems from my need to not be corrupted -- to continue to see things in the pure way my son does. It is very humbling to be taught by your child, but it is also very important.

So my Book Review Thursday post is perhaps a book review of the Bible: what it is, and what it isn't. We know that attending church or reading the Bible is not a license for eternal reward in the next world. We can see that child abuse is still abuse. We can see American jails full of people -- many more Christian than any other denomination.We can see that the highest rates of teen pregnancy and divorce are both found in the geographic area recognized as the Bible Belt.

Information belongs to the Census Bureau and used only for the purpose of providing evidence of my claim.

Information belongs to Gallup and used only for the purpose of providing evidence of my claim.

So I hope my unapologetic self will be forgiven when I laugh at people who invite me to their churches while asking me to respect their right to discriminate. I hope they will one day understand why when I hear them say "your post offends me" I want to do more than post to cause them to be offended. Sometimes, I want to punch them in the nose -- but I won't. I want to remind them that I'm still married to the only person I've ever had sex with -- and I'm still married to that person because we mind our own business. We don't judge others. We don't lust after our neighbors or their spouses. We don't care who is sleeping with whom -- we just want to know who's picking up their kids after a playdate or school function -- and if there's a fighting dynamic we need to be sensitive to. It's insulting that they don't care enough about my child not to talk about him or his heathen parents in front of him -- yeah. It's happened. It's bizarre that there are children my son can't play with -- because his parents' (MY) religious views are not acceptable and they aren't (I'M NOT) "good people" -- yeah. It's happened.
 
I want to rub their collective noses in their privilege -- because they don't understand it. Because of their "deeply held beliefs," they're same people who don't understand feminism. And they can't understand why their deeply held beliefs are so offensive to me. They're a hard group to love.

This month I celebrate 13 years of marriage to the only sex partner I've ever had. So that Bible passage about the stone throwing? I think some people should think about it. And if they claim they have, and maintain their religious right to bigotry, they should think about it HARDER.