Why Didn't I Just Say That?

So… It happened again.
I offered my opinion on FB, some person who is a friend of my friend disagreed with me, debating my data with their OPINION and asking me for more and better data, on their terms. I bowed out of the conversation, and was called uncivil by the mutual friend.

Hang on a minute. Why was I called out as the uncivil one?

So I sent the OP a PM -- after ignoring the four attacking comments from the male persona I didn’t know, which caused the OP to censure MY behavior. OP had an issue with the term I used - sealioning - because neither OP nor friend of OP knew what it meant. So they took it as a personal attack.

So now I feel the need to post data about what sealioning is. I am being sealioned about sealioning. Terrific.

After I explained via PM that I was literally being sealioned and stated that I called out the attack as my reason not to continue to engage, I told the OP it was inappropriate to ask me to be civil as I was disengaging.

In my defense, the OP posts a new comment to the sealioner saying I thought the discussion had gotten heated and was so I trying to bow out. Really? Talk about a kick in the teeth. If that’s a message in my defense, and not coddling a manbaby, then I really am a legless mermaid.

So why do I keep at it? Because ignorant people are making decisions every day that affect me and people I care about. Privileged people can disengage, and that’s fine (It’s really not fine, but I can’t even deal with that right now, so…). I don’t feel I have that luxury. At the same time, I can’t continue to engage people I don’t know. When they engage me, through mutual friends, I do expect the friends to moderate fairly.

When a woman tries to be civil, and someone accuses her of the opposite, I’m going to have words for that. Especially when the woman being accused of being uncivil is ME. Fuck that shit! (Which, let’s face it, IS uncivil.) The policing of females who back up their points of view is inappropriate. Period. Women who disengage and cite a reason should be supported. Women need to be loud, proud, and supportive of each other. Full stop.

I don’t resort to name-calling. I don’t bash people over the head with my profound intelligence. So if I say something they don’t understand, why not ask me before assuming ill intent?

Because I can call a manbaby a manbaby. I can denounce a 45 supporter with all the gusto that the pig-headed pea-brain deserves. I can overwhelm with links, stats, facts, and so much data to support my intelligence that -- well, it would be a lot. But I was being civil. To my own perceived detriment. I left the conversation and was told I did so uncivilly.

The male persona responded to my comment “I don’t engage with sea lions” by calling me a whale and the OP thought it was tit for tat. Honestly? My eyes could not roll back in my head any farther. Male persona - person I don’t know - made three or four comments that I didn’t intend to read within the five minutes after I made my comment and left. Initially, they commented on my comment to the OP - in other words, I did not initiate engagement with them. If they weren’t trolling me before, how many comments after a disengagement before I get to call the sealion a sealion? Had the OP not tagged ME - and not the other person - and asked ME to be civil, I never would have read the comments where the stranger attacked and baited me. That’s why I’m creating this post.

Even if a post doesn’t seem political, one can bet it probably is. Even if I seem shrill or uncivil, I can promise — I don’t have to play nicely at all. Polite women rarely make history, much less change history, resist oppression, or implode a patriarchy.

But if I’m going to insult a person — not just disengage, but truly insult a person — know that I will make damn sure they know how I’m insulting them. I will do so with little words that they should have learned by about third grade. Then they can take my pedantic words and go fuck themselves to the moon.

Some will say that this post has been created because someone has touched a nerve. They’re right, but not the nerve they’re thinking. I’m writing this post because ignorant people are overwhelming social media platforms as well as manipulating the data available via the internet (usually to skew right of right of center to the point that moderate opinions look left-leaning). People who have taken the time to become well-informed can’t spend all day fighting all of them. Women in particular take more time to educate and remain social, so need to be given more respect in online engagements.

Women being called out for incivility is inappropriate. If someone doesn’t understand a term, they should look it up before embarrassing themselves by displaying such wanton ignorance. Especially among people who label themselves as woke progressives. [eye roll, eye roll]

I want to be done, but I’m not done. There will be more ignorance to battle tomorrow.

Be ye man or woman - or both or neither or fluid - support people who civilly engage so that people like me can take a break every once in a while. Regularly post descriptions of trolls and logical fallacies so that people know when they’re being called an animal and when they’re simply being called out on their behaviors. Support women who disengage from conversations in ways that make them feel confident they left with dignity to fight other battles elsewhere. Moderate the men who think everything must come on their terms. If not capable of these small acts of kindness, please STFD & STFU. (Fair enough? I thought so.)

Publishing Pathways

In a FB group where I am a member, lots of questions get asked about whether to self-publish, spend time on an agent, obtain an MFA, or what is the best Return on Investment for a writer with stories to share.

I speak a lot about the importance of privilege and various meanings of success in any career or lifestyle. And when I wrote a reply to one person in particular, I knew I had a blog post I wanted to share with MY audience.

So here it goes:

Privilege is definitely an issue, and a lot depends on how much you can bring to the table. If you can get the funding for an MFA -- and there are some scholarships and awards for older women, POC, single-parent (if that applies to your situation). I don't know if enough of them can be stacked to get your MFA for free or at an affordable rate, but an MFA might be cheaper than the full price of a number of writer conferences. And if you approach the MFA like an extended conference -- getting the work done, but really using the time back in school to network, network, network -- you might be able to create the platform(s) and do the other things that will help you publish successfully, whether through the University Press, with an agent-in-training, or some other connection any professor you have might be willing to help you establish.

These are the reasons to do the MFA. I still haven't done it. I went the self-pub on a SHOESTRING route.

Unlike other self pubs who pay (who afford) editors, publicists, cover artists, formatters, and Lightning Source ISBNs, I belong to a few writing groups and have some BETA readers. I use free ISBNs and modify Create Space templates. I don't market the way I should or the way I hope I would if my bills depended on it. I'm a teacher by trade and used my published works as a portfolio to show I know what I'm doing and can teach others through camps and workshops. Nearly all my students outsell me.

Other writers self-pub and make more money. Many spend more money to publish. If they have the money to spend, and they are happy with the result, more power to them.

If you are able to market your own books, if you have friends and family who sell 31 and jamberry nails and all those other products, then you might find it in your best interest to publish for yourself, market yourself, or partner with someone who sells their widgets well.

In this business, like any other, it takes money to make money, so to make money, you will have to be making an investment of some kind beyond writing the manuscript. Then you have to decide what your budget (time, effort, money) is and what you can afford, what ROI you want and the path you are going to take to get there.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can hope that you find all the success you seek. What does success mean to you? What advice would you give someone in your field?

Phyl Campbell is the author of I'm Not Writing a Book Today, the so-called procrastination guide for writers and other dreamers. Her books are available on Amazon. She lives and teaches in York County, PA.

Obligatory Mother's Day Post

Planning to perform this piece tomorrow night at GUSA by Victoria, along with a Mother's Day excerpt from #25Reasons.

Chicken Soup for the Transcendentalist Soul

My mom said
"Eat your vegetables -- And
"Get a good night's sleep.
"Don't forget to say your prayers
"Close your eyes, count some sheep," But

Momma never told me -- How
To achieve perfection -- And
Now I guess I understand -- That
It was something she didn't know.

So I -- Ate my vegetables. And
Said my good night prayers. But
Lay awake in my bed
Too concerned with all my cares. Like

What would I be when I grow up
And who would I marry
Would my kids eat their vegetables
Believe the things that I believe in?

Woke up next morning
Never knowing I was fast asleep
But knowing God was there for me
Prayed the Lord my soul to keep

My mom said
"Do your homework now. And
"That's enough TV
"Are you ready for the science fair?
"Did you study for the Spelling Bee?"

And it got so aggravating
Seemed like she was so caught up
There's so much more to life at school
Than Science Fairs and empty cups.

But I turned off the television
Cracked a book
(or sometimes three). And tried my best to do my best
I wanted her to be proud of me.

Woke up next morning
Never knowing I'd been fast asleep
But knowing God was there for me
Prayed the Lord my soul to keep.

My mom said
"Don't you fall too hard. When
"That first boy looks at you
"You must be kind to everyone. But
"Don't let them walk all over you."

Then came the most disgusting part. She
Wanted to kiss me goodbye. At school
In front of all my friends
I couldn't Hide. Or disappear. Or die.

So I let her kiss me then. And

She waved as she drove away.
I'm glad I know she cares for me
Even though I'll never say it (oops!).

What would I be when I grow up
And who would I marry
Would I embarrass my own kids
The way that mom embarrassed me?

Woke up next morning
Never knowing I was fast asleep
But knowing God was there for me
Prayed the Lord my soul to keep.

And now that I'm a mom myself. I'm
Glad she doesn't laugh at me
'Cuz my kid won't eat vegetables. And
Dodges responsibilities.

My soul
Could use some chicken soup. And
My son's hug could fill a bowl. Though
I would like to keep him small
Growing up is his main goal.

What will he be when he grows up
Will he ever marry
And if he questions all I say
Will I be wise enough to hear him?

Woke up next morning
Never knowing I'd been fast asleep
But knowing God was there for me
Prayed the Lord my soul to keep.

The Man at the Door

I saw him out of the corner of my eye as I set my purchases on the counter.

He was standing by the door, and when he notices me noticing, he smiles at me.

He was a good-looking guy. Nice build. Nice smile.

And I could feel him checking me out as I was checking out my groceries.

I'm sure he was a nice guy.

I'm sure his mama raised him right.

But my gut told me something was wrong.

So I chatted with the clerk. 

And I bagged my items -- really slowly.

But he was still standing there.

He wasn’t waiting for anyone else. Only for me.

I should have been flattered.

He was a nice-looking boy.

The kind that holds doors open for women

Not the kind that kicks cats when women aren’t looking.

But looks can be deceiving

I didn’t know him

And my gut told me something was wrong.

A million and one thoughts went through the head

Of the girl I had been taught to be, the feminist I knew I was,

And the person who was just minding her own business at the grocery store.

The me that was all of these and none of these and more

Kept waiting for the guy to move.

In a perfect world, I would know

All he wanted was a thank you and a smile

Some acknowledgement that one human being recognized another

And was grateful.

But in the world that I know

A smile is sometimes mistaken for an invitation

A smile can twist quickly into a sneer -- a show of power and contempt

Contempt for me, contempt for humanity

Contempt for my right to be

So I found my voice and I nearly yelled, “What are you doing?”

And waited for his answer.

I wanted everyone in the store to hear, to witness.

“I’m just holding the door for you,” he said.

His eyebrows raised in innocence. Smile fixed on his face.

Another day this could have been the start of a beautiful fairy tale.

But it was also one flipped switch from my death in a horror film.

“I do not need a man to hold the door for me,” I said.

“You need to move. You need to leave me alone,” I said to this stranger to me.

Did he call me a bitch under his breath?

Someone did.

It was not only a thousand voices inside my head

Telling me to get in the kitchen and make that nice man a sandwich.

Give him my number. Marry him.

I didn’t ask him to hold the door.

We didn’t meet by chance

Didn’t approach the door at the same time

He stood there. Like a stalker

And I don’t know him

Don’t want to

And here’s the thing

If I was rude, I missed the guy of a lifetime. That’s on me.

But if his motives were pure, someone else will notice

Because maybe nice guys finish last, but they do finish.

However, if my gut was right

And he was looking for payback

Or to follow me out to my car

To take away my agency

Or worse

Then this was a fairy tale

And I am my own hero

Slaying dragons with my hands full of groceries

And winning.

Written for performance at Gusa by Victoria March 9, 2017

2nd Thursday Nights Open Mic 7-9PM

Gusa by Victoria

252 W Philadelphia

York PA 17401

The Man at the Door was written in response to a man misappropriating a woman's text rant, turning it into a meme, and calling her a feminazi. I could have ignored the online mansplaining, but when a group of women didn't, and attacked the woman and her agency, I needed to re-frame the conversation. 

Visit Author Mother Dreamer Phyl Campbell on Facebook, this blog, or her website.

The Importance of Being Human

I want to write something important. Something powerful. Not because I view myself as important or powerful, but because the subject I intend to write about is so very important to me. I want to write about people and their right to exist. 

Most people don’t question their right to exist. Existence should be a given. I am; therefore, I exist. It should be an inalienable right. 

Inalienable. Remember that. 

When orders are signed to make someone an illegal alien by people who are immigrants or children of immigrants, it is the worst sort of privilege. Getting honest, poor, hardworking people to buy into the rhetoric of fear is the worst kind of betrayal of the privilege someone has been given to help someone else in need. If one believes, as I do, that we are only made strong long enough to help each other, then one understands my dilemma. 

I can’t be too heavy-handed with facts and articles supporting my position. To do so is elitist. I can’t appeal to my own experiences. That rhetoric is anecdotal, and I can’t prove that my experiences are symbolic of the rule rather than the exception. 

I don’t have the money or the power to overwhelm a media outlet – much less all of them – with my version of facts. I can’t buy advertising that will repeat my words verbatim until they are accepted as truth no matter how outrageous they might be. But I have a laptop. And sometimes I think I can write a little. I have to try. 

If I were in a position of authority, especially if I could have been in such a position years (decades, centuries) ago, I would not allocate money to foreign defense. We live in a country a hemisphere away from the problems of Africa and the Orient and the Middle East. If people want to abandon those problems by coming to our shores, we should let them. We should take great care of them so that they want to bring their loved ones to the Utopia our country promises. We should not send soldiers to change their countries’ ways of life. Our soldiers should be here learning as much as they can about new immigrants, understanding their language and culture and helping us adapt to each other. 

In fact, if our soldiers only went overseas to protect people, and not cheap oil, I think we would be closer to living in a Utopia. And if we are going to invade a country for its minerals (oil and coal are not scientifically minerals, but legally, they are included as minerals in terms of mineral rights), the least our leaders could do is be honest about it. American employees are getting pulled off US oil rigs because foreign oil is so abundant and cheap. Instead of making the connection between foreign wars and cheap imports, people are being told to fear and blame immigrants for their joblessness and resulting poverty. Poor and tired – exhausted, really – people believe what is pounded at them by the people in charge. It takes a long time to start to question authority and power, even to the absence and abandonment of logic. 

So clearly, I have a soft spot for immigration. I happen to find people inalienable. 

Then I get hit by the two by four of how I can care about people but not be pro-birth. And the simple explanation is that I don’t consider every ejaculation or menstruation a baby. A more complicated explanation is that I’m not a doctor. I have, however, been pregnant. And the juxtaposition of those two informs me that I can not make laws to account for every pregnancy situation. 

Without looking at improbable statistics, I would wager that there is an unplanned pregnancy for every couple desperate to conceive their own baby. I don’t know why the world works that way. I do know that these unplanned pregnancies and childless couples cannot be paired together like some crazy TV reality show match game. I wish it were that simple. On top of that complication, there are wanted babies who cannot be saved by current medical advances. Abortion of these babies to save the mother and provide a chance for a viable baby to be conceived and born seems the most humane course of action. 

In the meantime, pitting two groups of emotional, vulnerable people -- the childless and the unplanned pregnant -- against each other is the very definition of cruel. Chances are neither has the money or the resources to help the other, if and when they are able to connect. Then disreputable people sweep in, hoping to profit from both sides – selling babies, stealing babies, keeping children from loving families, allowing children to stay in abusive households or squalid orphanages. This behavior is inhuman and inhumane. If we spent the time and resources fighting THIS instead of constant legal battles over reproductive rights, I believe we would have much better results. 

Because I love little people, I support abortion. Not just choice, but abortion. I can’t prevent child abuse. I can’t prevent cults and sex trafficking and a lot of bad behavior. Ideologically, however, I can support the idea that if people only had babies they wanted, loved, and were ready, eager, and able to care for, then we would have additional resources to crack down on bigger problems that result from children who are uneducated, poor, bored, neglected, targeted, and abused. If instead of shooting people who walk into Planned Parenthood, or shouting Bible verses at them, people held signs –as my friend suggested – offering to pay expenses or adopt unwanted children or provide emotional support, I could believe in the goodness of the common person that I sometimes fail to see. Abortion is not the only reason people go to Planned Parenthood. The pregnant woman murdered in Colorado a little over a year ago was not there to have an abortion. She was murdered by a mentally unstable man who believed fake videos about Planned Parenthood’s only purpose. I happen to think that people supporting the actions of that mentally unstable man should reflect long and hard before proclaiming a pro-life stance. I tire of the rhetoric that Planned Parenthood’s only purpose is abortion. I especially tire of this rhetoric from craft stores who buy cheap goods from countries with mandatory child limits and forced abortions. 

It’s not about the money, either, people. I get that soulless argument a lot. Funny, I’m not supposed to complain about a portion of my taxes supporting war or the death penalty – but people can sure complain about paying for other people’s condoms, boxes of pills, IUDs, or abortions. Dollar for dollar, there is no argument. I’ve also seen enough parents complain about other people’s children’s behavior in grocery stores to know that if there was a free box of condoms that a judgmental shopper could hand a parent – well, let’s just say my grocery store trips could be a lot more interesting. 

It is too about the money. If money weren’t an object, traffickers wouldn’t traffic. Not drugs, not people. If everyone had the resources to truly do what they wanted, we might all live on private islands and not give a damn about anyone else. There are rich people for whom the true value of money is as meaningless as Monopoly money is to me – but they need to keep score with their balance sheets. The acquisition of wealth is a great game, and there is little room for second place – no room for losing ground. If we eliminated money – as some stores and government offices have done, going cashless to prevent robberies – some people would still have more than ten cars, a private jet, and a yacht while others would only have the rags on their backs or maybe a couple trash bags’ worth of possessions. Overwhelmingly, the people living paycheck to paycheck with underwater mortgages and massive bills will give more of themselves to help those seeking handouts in soup kitchens. Equally overwhelmingly, a rich person could write a check for funds they would never miss that could do more good than a thousand poor people helping poorer people. Which is why we allow charities to exist. 

Which is why we should crack down on charity fraud, kickbacks, and related bad acts. 

Which is why we should be mindful of rich people eluding taxes and fine them heavily for not compensating their employees fairly and pocketing the difference. 

Which is why a college education should be freely available and not a requirement of entry level employment. And why we should crack down on and break up for-profit colleges that break promises they make to desperate students. 

Which is why we need a livable minimum wage that includes all medical care from conception to burial or cremation. And why such medical coverage should not be tied to a job or an employer whose ideology may differ from our own. And why it should be as easy to walk into a health insurance agency and establish a personal relationship with an agent as it is to walk into a car insurance agency or tax preparation office. When we are at our most sick and vulnerable, we are most human. We should not be beans counted in an office by people who only know us as numbers on a page. That we perpetuate this is inhumane. 

I believe that a person is strong to help someone who is not. I believe we can do more together than apart. I believe that self-care is important and self-sacrifice is admirable, but selfishness to the detriment of the common good is the reason the colonies overthrew the monarchy and the reason we should not allow ourselves to be ruled by a tyranny today. I believe in We the People and I believe in the American Dream. 

And if you still don’t – why not? How can I help you address whatever fear is holding you back?

Poverty Is Sexist -- and Governments Aid Corporations

I've recently been in online arguments with people who say things that I just can't let go:
1) Hilary Clinton should be in jail.
2) There's no difference between Trump and Clinton.
3) Feminism isn't needed.
4) Poverty is a result of people not working hard enough.

And on these four things, I call bullshit. Poverty is sexist, government aids corporations, there is a huge difference between those two candidates, and if Hilary Clinton belongs in jail, our entire Congress, Wall Street, and countless other CEOs need to occupy the cells next to her. I don't think you survive in a corrupt organization with clean hands or a clean record. You just have to go in knowing what you are fighting for. Sometimes you have to know what you are fighting against.

Trump picked Mike Pence for his running mate. Women started Periods for Pence years ago and recently resurrected it. In solidarity, I resurrected this piece I wrote for Wikinut some years back because the Trump camp doesn't see a problem with the SCOTUS decision. However, I do and I want this decision reversed.Voting for Hilary Clinton will be a positive step in reversing this terrible decision.

From the Wikinut Files: America's War On Women:

The SCOTUS decision in Burwell V Hobby Lobby has been met with praise from one side and an outcry from the other. Here's why I'm in the latter camp and think you should be, too. (Warning: facts and data, rather than blind assumptions based on bigotry and greed, will be found in this article.)

Supreme Court Ruling

In Burwell V Hobby Lobby, the 5-4 opinion of the Supreme Court was to side with the corporation and allow four types of birth control to be excluded from employer-insurance plans. The court argued that the government could fill the gaps, and requiring companies to provide medications that "are against their religion" would be unfair due to US Constitutional expectation of freedom of religion.

The dissenting opinion, presented by female justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, has already been made into a song. Listen to it:

Some of the lyrics include:

"The court, I fear, has ventured into a minefield / of slut-shaming geezers."
and "any decision to use contraceptive is not propelled by the government / it's the woman's autonomous choice informed by her doctor." 

Writer and performer Jonathon Man may have taken some artistic liberties with Ginsburg's 35 page dissent, but the result is something catchy that might help today's generation see why so many loathe and fear the decision that was made. Besides, since a guy wrote it, it might actually be taken seriously.

Why It Matters -- 9 Reasons

Hell Hath No Fury

So why does it matter to me if I don't work for Hobby Lobby, don't shop there, and don't support their practices? Here are a few reasons why I still feel I have some skin in the game.

1) Hobby Lobby is not the only corporation wanting the exemption. Nor are the founders of Hobby Lobby solely craft store owners. I could shop somewhere else while boycotting Hobby Lobby and still be supporting them unknowingly.

2) Hobby Lobby gets its products from China. This is major hypocrisy for the "American" and "Christian" company that wants to make sure babies aren't aborted in the course of doing business.

3) Health Insurance benefits are provided compensation for work done by employees. Doctors, not corporations, should have final say in medications prescribed and taken by patients/employees. Employees already pay premiums, deductibles, and other costs for having this insurance, so taking certain medications off the table will require women to pay twice. The increased cost for women working in minimum wage jobs could increase the amount of women needing government assistance -- paid for through everyone's tax dollars. Every time a corporation pushes an expense onto its workers, and the government tries to step in, everyone pays -- and the poor pay a higher percentage than the rich do -- by far.

4) In addition to buying products from China and reselling them in the US, Hobby Lobby also invests in pharmaceutical companies. And even though there are religious provisions provided by stockbrokers and financial analysts so that people and corporations can opt out of companies with differing religious views, Hobby Lobby has not made use of those options. This COULD signal a desire to wipe out birth control from inside the companies, much in the same way that organizations like Hobby Lobby are going to extreme legal measures to shut down Planned Parenthood buildings and other women's clinics that provide abortion services.

5) This ruling opens a minefield of religious exemptions and opportunities for discrimination against women and other groups opposed by various religions. Despite the fact that the justices' majority opinion stated that the exemption was related to the corporation's views on abortion and conception, this ruling could be used as a precedent for any corporation run by members of certain religious groups to justify and expand bans on health care services. The court costs alone for this litigation are expenses this country does not need to incur, and any further losses could prevent necessary medical care via health discrimination. For companies that decide to withhold the care and require employees to sue them for just compensation, lives can be lost before families of covered employees can present their cases to court. If a family must choose between medical expenses and legal expenses, which do you think they will choose? Corporations have much better resources to allocate towards litigation than individuals, especially individuals whose job prospects are along the lines of entry level jobs at Hobby Lobby.

6) If SCOTUS was looking for a way to kill the Affordable Care Act, I believe they just found it. Not only had Hobby Lobby included the medications they now want banned in their insurance package before the ACA was passed, but religious exemptions picked up by the government could very quickly skyrocket and further bankrupt an already bankrupt system. Hobby Lobby is not some mom and pop craft store. There are two locations within ten minute's drive of my house. According to an ABC news article by Scott Wilson*, Founded in 1970, "Hobby Lobby has since expanded to 572 stores nation-wide, with a revenue of $3.3 billion in 2013." That's Billion. With a B.

7) The four** pills being banned may have other uses not directly tied to reproduction, either now or in the future. Penicillin is made from bread mold. A lot of vaccinations started out as other things. Researchers make a drug for one purpose and find that it works really well to solve some other problem. When corporations with no medical expertise get to pick and choose what medicines are allowed and which may be denied, health is affected. Period. Also, I have not seen a ruling on whether, since money for the medication is banned, payment for the required exam leading to such a prescription would also be denied. This would effectively double the number of doctor visits sexually active women need in order to cover their health care -- extra appointments that would require unpaid time away from work and extra costs. Doctor visits not covered by insurance can easily run over $100 each, in my personal experience. Government clinics do have cheaper options, but the lines are much longer and they don't always accept appointments. One must balance cheap care and available time to wait for it.

8) Related to number 7. I should not have to worry about being pregnant. I have only had one partner and he has had a vasectomy. However, I may have an illness that one of the four banned pills would cure or help. It is also possible, given the war on women, that retribution from this article -- or the way I dress (or don't dress), or look (or don't look) -- could result in me being overpowered and raped, and becoming pregnant from the rape. For some people, that might be a sign from God to have a baby. To me, it would be a sign from God that I needed to go to a clinic, report the rape, get tested, prevent any chance of pregnancy from becoming a baby, and prosecute my attacker(s). Equally concerning is that I have three sisters and a sister in law. All much more attractive than me. Two are unmarried. Should they be attacked, they should not also fear being shamed by their employers. Should she be sexually active but not wishing to become a mother, an employee's religion and her personal convictions should determine that -- not her for-profit employers.

9) Hobby Lobby, while claiming to be a Christian organization that fights for the rights of the unborn, does not fight to protect families with children. They are among many corporations that do not pay for maternity leave, allow paid time off for prenatal doctor visits, or anything else that would be consistent with a truly Christian agenda.

10 -- just as a reminder and a bonus) Hobby Lobby is a BILLION dollar generating CRAFT STORE. It is not a CHURCH.

*entire article can be found at http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/politics/2014/06/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-hobby-lobby-billionaires/

** Since the original ruling, 16 more drugs have been added to the list that employers no longer have to cover, with the intent that ALL birth control medications, including those used to fight endometriosis and other non-sexual health-related issues, are at the discretion of employers to deny to women who pay deductibles and premiums for government subsidized health insurance.

A Better Solution to the Problem

The best solution* would be for the government to remove its contributions to employer provided insurance benefits so that businesses would pay their employees outright instead of offering the benefits. In turn, companies providing health insurance would turn to hospitals, clinics, and patients for clientele -- rather like the way we do car and property insurance in this country. In this scenario, employers could have whatever religious bigotry they wanted without impacting individuals. Employees could purchase whatever insurance they wanted, not worry about losing insurance when changing jobs, and PROBABLY get better group coverage. Large companies, small companies, and self-employed people would all have the same access to insurance -- and it would not have to be single-payer government insurance.

John Green, author of Fault in Our Stars, also has a lot of fact and data-based ideas about American Health Insurance and the tangled issue of health care. Watch his very informative video:

*I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've worked up answers to every objection I've come across over the last 10 years or so. I won't go into them here, but leave questions or concerns in the comments section and I'll address them in a future article. Mr. Green is right that insurance is only one of several big problems, but I think removing employers from the doctor/patient/politics equation is an achievable first goal.

Hypothetical (but very plausible) Scenario

Planned Parenthood Pie Chart

So, let's say Heaven (a fictional person) worked at HL and quit due to the policies. Let's further say that she went to work for another craft store requiring a similar skill set -- Craft Store B. In making the switch, Heaven will likely have to wait 90 days or more to be covered by this new employer's insurance policy. Maybe she can afford gap coverage. Maybe she can't. And if she was pregnant or became pregnant in those 90 days, the new company's insurance can deny coverage based on her "pre-existing condition." The same holds true for men switching jobs and trying to keep their SAHM spouses covered. So even someone who was not planning an abortion of any kind but supportive of equal rights is hurt by this ruling. And it goes on:

In the meantime, Craft Company B, who hired Heaven after she left HL, is struggling financially because they have to follow all the rules of the Affordable Care Act while HL doesn't. Since HL has no problem making money off people who don't believe the same as they pretend, they are able to invest more -- and they invest in pharmaceutical companies that sell and manufacturer contraceptives as well as buying cheap goods from China. The money made from these endeavors could pay for lawyers who could get certain pharmaceuticals banned or eliminated, ruled unsafe, or any other tactic. A strong enough interest in any company can effectively change the company. Alternatively, HL could buy out Craft Company B and then the 90 days Heaven went without insurance were for nothing.

Therefore, this is more than a difference of opinion. I present this scenario as hypothetical, but do not feel anything in it is far fetched or even unsubstantiated by what we already know is being maneuvered by these corporations.

War on Women -- not (entirely) Man's Fault

Men don't seem to mind solid nutrition...

There is a war on women. That is not to say that men are the only attackers. Many of the people I have been battling have been other women. I'm not sure why it is that women feel the need to attack rather than build up -- but they do.
Some examples: "natural" versus epidural birth,
breast-versus-bottle feeding, 
working moms versus SAHMs,
breast-feeding in public versus not, 
slut-shaming based on clothing,
contraception versus "natural" family planning 
All of these have become bitter battlegrounds where women tear other women apart. 
In the meantime,

women earn less than men for doing the same job,

government legislation is constantly being proposed -- and passed!! -- that would deny women essential decisions over their health and well-being.

Raped women are being forced to carry the children of their rape and share parental rights with their rapists.

Women are denied positions in many religious organizations, shamed and damned if they disagree publicly with those decisions -- or even raise questions.

Men who have sex are studs; women who have sex are whores.

The list goes on and on and on and on.

One (male) friend of mine said, for example, "men should have NO problem seeing a pair of exposed breasts in public. They (exposed breasts) should be welcomed and appreciated." (He understood that what he was saying was at least slightly sexist, but given the spirit he was trying to convey, I think more would appreciate his comment than be offended by it.) He went on to say "Man boobs are disgusting, but there's no law against them. Or plumber's cracks." Then he shuddered. I did too.

More Battles of the War On Women

When a young athletic male bares his chest at a ball game, school, or park, women may ogle him but chances are the guy is safe from being raped. Yet women exposing skin (or nor exposing it) are not, and we tell women that is their fault. We tell girls that they have a responsibility to keep boys' thoughts pure (like that's possible). Here are more articles I've written regarding slut shaming and gender discrimination. J and K relate most closely, then article I:

A) Something for Everybody

B) Joan

C) Namioka

D) Girls on Their Team

E) Out of that Silence Came 1000 voices

F) Withholding Sex

G)Aging Grayfully

H)Dress Code for Teachers

I)Separation of Church and State

J)Slut Shaming

K)Is Not Rape Prevention

L)When I Say I'm Unchurched

M)Prosecution

N)Death of Hate

Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes and conducts workshops on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her via her website or Facebook page.

Tired of Low Teacher Pay

I could write for years about this one topic and never say the exact same thing twice, but at the same time, it's all the same. It's nothing personal -- except that it is profoundly personal.

I won't waste anyone's time. We all know what's at stake. It's very simple.

What we give teachers is what we give our students -- and when it isn't enough, we all suffer.

PAY TEACHERS MORE. This includes teachers, aides, subs, anyone who works with students needs the freedom to do just that.

REDUCE TEACHER WORKLOAD. So many teachers get burned out having to do too much for too many with not enough. So many teachers are also parents. They should be able to work part time for what is now considered full time pay. This would help in a lot of areas.

It's time we did more than gripe about Common Core and high-stakes testing. Pay teachers more, reduce their working hours and responsibilities, and respect the work they do, Let teachers figure out what they need. This is the path to change.

Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes and conducts workshops on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her via her website or Facebook page.

Obama Cries, Dems Sit In, Ryan Shuts Down, Love Must Win

I think SUCKS is the harshest word I use in this post, because I wanted to be able to share it with parents who could share with their kids. And it was hard because I feel this issue on a lot of levels. So please read it and think about it and talk about it. I wrote it because I care. A lot of ideas. A lot of videos to share. A lot of information. It is a political post, but I don't think it should be couched in political terms. I feel like it is a life or death post. And until you know someone who has been shot and killed, I think you can't understand. I don't wish that understanding on you. No one should lose anyone else to gun violence.

I know a guy in jail for murder. He's been there since before I was 20. I don't know if legislation would have stopped him from getting the gun that he used to kill, but he's spent more time in jail than out of jail for less than "20 minutes of action." He can't take back what he did. And it sucks. And I still think we need to do more. Maybe nothing would have saved the guy I knew. But maybe smart people can help save someone else.

Dick Cheney shot a man in the face during a hunting trip and he didn't even apologize. The man who was SHOT apologized. And maybe that was the right thing, but it seems pretty bizarre to me. Poor kid gets decades in prison but rich guy doesn't even have to say sorry. Sounds legit.

This video of POTUS Obama was taken 6 months ago. And it could have been the same speech after the Orlando shooting. Ending gun violence is more important than owning guns right now. I am tired of shootings. I lost a lovely friend to a school shooting. I was in the building when my friend (a professor in his last year before retirement) saved hundreds of us by taking the gun-wielding student into his office. He had to know that he wouldn't ever come out again. It was senseless.

About the Sit In Staged by Dems:

I support the sit-in that just happened. I don't care that Paul Ryan calls it posturing. The alternative is dead people. I am SO TIRED of moments of silence for dead people. We have to do more. We have to acknowledge the NEED to do more.

I had no idea that John Lewis was part of the Civil Rights Movement in Selma until I saw this video. It makes me proud to live in Georgia now -- in spite of the Trump supporters in the state.

Here he is at the sit in. I think he understands, like I do, that leaving the problem for tomorrow has been the problem. And one bill isn't going to solve it. It's going to take A LOT. But we have to start at lots of somewheres. We have to help law enforcement and we have to better police our law enforcement. We have to stop turning blind eyes to things that do not directly concern us. We have to do more.

I think loopholes that allow people without licenses to buy and sell at gun shows should be closed. If you have a license and can pass a background check, your life is not affected by this. Or it is made better, in the way that we have laws protecting us against unlicensed and uninsured motorists.

Speaking of, I think all gun owners should have accidental death and injury insurance. TWENTY kids EVERY DAY are hospitalized for gunshot wounds. If gun owners aren't paying for their care, than either victims or their families are paying for their own care or every taxpayer is footing the bill for the emergency room treatment, rehab, and therapy of gunshot victims. And if you/we can't afford that, then can you/we afford the gun and the inherent risk of owning it?

I have paintball guns. They aren't lethal. They look like "real" guns. Their ammo stings. If I point it at someone, s/he may think twice about coming on my porch and figuring out if my gun will kill or not. If I shoot someone with a paintball gun, I will likely leave a bruise but it's unlikely I will kill them. Who needs more than that? Honestly?

Guns and domestic violence:

I think we should take domestic violence more seriously than we do in this country. Background checks are a joke right now because domestic violence is not discovered and prosecuted the way it needs to be. Maybe then this talented singer, Christina Grimmie, wouldn't be dead. She died the same weekend as the nightclub shooting, also in Florida. And she won't get half the attention of Michael Jackson or Prince because another tragedy happened too soon after hers. Too bad nobody killed her on a slow news week.

The Pulse night club shooter had a history of domestic violence. And after the shooting, his WIFE was taken in for questioning. How much sense does that make? But in this country, we blame victims for the things done to them all the time. We proved that most recently when a man was convicted of THREE FELONIES against a girl who was unconscious and the judge only gave him a six month sentence. Worried that jail would be bad for HIM. I never want that guy to own a gun. I don't want his victim to fear his retaliation for his pathetic jail sentence. We already know he doesn't believe he was responsible. We know he isn't remorseful. How much more are we willing to put up with? How fast can you swim? Hold long can you breathe underwater?

I want to stick to the facts, but it's hard not to be emotional. The FACT is people are dying because people intend to kill them or people are not using their guns safely. The FACT is that we don't respect and prosecute domestic violence in this country, and our inaction leads perpetrators to even greater acts of violence. The FACT is that black lives matter, and we have a history of unarmed black people getting shot by cops at alarming rates. The FACT is that we have such a big mess in this country -- a huge KNOT -- that there is no wrong place to start in unraveling the thing. We have to find a place, dig in, and work carefully, piece by piece, to unravel the thread.

We can't uncut any threads of lives we have lost. We can use what we have learned from those losses. The sit-in may be over, but gun violence isn't. It's a massive issue with tons of moving parts. But the killers behind the guns cannot win. We have to make sure only love can.

Finally -- For the other arguments:

"Some people are on the No Fly list that shouldn't be." That doesn't mean that everyone on the No Fly list is innocent. I think #noflynobuy is sensible gun legislation. If you find out you're on it and shouldn't be, get help to get off it. "Everybody wants to take my guns." Are you a mass murderer? Are you planning to kill someone? Then I don't know who you think is planning to take your gun. Police are far too busy prosecuting real crimes -- and if they aren't, then they should be, and we need to work on THAT. Not protecting every mass murderer out there because you're afraid of someone taking your TOY. Your very deadly toy. "People commit mass homicide with things other than guns." Yeah, and it's been addressed by legislature.

"I need a high speed weapon for XYZ." Then you don't need a gun, you need more practice with video games. If you can't hit the broad side of a barn without an assault rifle, you need a good gun instructor and to NOT TOUCH a gun until you have respect for it. Many people buy a gun for protection only to have it used against them. Don't be a statistic.

I know there are more. I am beyond caring. "I see dead people." And they didn't have to be dead. To continue to protect the murderers is to exercise complete disregard for human life. Too bad if you don't get it. Grow up and grow a conscience. Play video games or laser tag, like my son does. Find a new hobby. I promise, you are not a well regulated militia, either because you are not a militia or because if you are a militia, I doubt you are well regulated. I will refrain from suggesting you are illiterate, or lacking critical thinking skills, but such questions remain the elephants in the room, if you catch my drift. The second amendment does not apply to you. Your argument is invalid.

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Phyl Campbell is Author, Mother, Dreamer. She writes on a variety of topics: Education, Women/Feminism/Equality, Book Reviews, and Writing. Her books are available on Amazon. If you'd like to see her speak at an upcoming function, contact her via her website or Facebook page.

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