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| Charity Bradford, author of Fade Into Me; image is property of the author |
Why Doesn't Ryanne Report Her Sexual Abuse in Fade Into Me?
My newest novel (Fade Into Me, an Urban Fantasy Romance) was released on January 21st and it touches on a sensitive subject. One we don't talk about, but many of us are afraid of.
Something
happened to my character, and she thought it would be best to never
speak about it. Many people will read her story and ask why wouldn’t she
say something and get justice? Sadly, lots of women don’t report sexual
abuse, just like Ryanne. Back in November, I found an online article
that talks about Real Reasons Women Don’t Report Rape. I’ve summed up the top three reasons for you.
1. Even if you report a rape, you can never get back what was taken from you.
2. Two
out three rapes are not ‘violent’ events. They are by someone you
know—co-workers, friends, dates, etc. It often becomes a ‘he said, she
said’ kind of thing.
3. Often,
those types of rapes occur when a woman has put herself in a situation
that is hard to get out of. Maybe they planned for a little flirting but
the man doesn’t stop when she puts the brakes on. In cases like this,
women often MISTAKENLY think they are to blame.
I wanted to share the story of one person that Ryanne is partly based on. When she was around 14 years old she lost her virginity to an older teen boy. She was hanging out with her older brother and some of his friends. She found herself in a room with one of those friends and they started making out. At one point she put a stop to things and left the room only to have her brother tell her she didn't have the right to lead a guy on like that. He then told her she had to go back in there and finish what she started. In my mind this was rape. Some would say, "Why didn't she just leave the house? She could have still said no." However, we are adults looking back at this situation. She was only 14 and not equipped with the skills to deal with this. And the truth is even adults would find this hard. She didn't want to, but she felt she didn't have a choice. Later she couldn't say anything because the guy became her boyfriend and they'd had sex many more times. Who would believe that she didn't want to if she did it again?
Ryanne’s
story touches on several other things talked about in the article:
Someone she knew raped her and someone she trusted knew about it. She
felt like she had to protect the second guy and his future by keeping
quiet. She thinks it was her fault because she agreed to hang out with
them. It’s a lot of baggage to carry. It’s the kind of thing that
affects the way you see love for the rest of your life. Ryanne’s lucky
though. She finds a man who understands it wasn’t her fault. He’s
impressed by her strength to carry on and knows she's worth every ounce
of love he feels for her. He just has to convince her to stop running
from her future. For me, Ryanne's story is about Ryanne taking her life back. She's let the hurt, guilt and fear control her life. This story is really about her accepting that the rape was not her fault. That she has the right to be happy and loved.
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Summary of Links for Charity Bradford:
The Magic Wakes
The Magic Wakes
Website-http://charitywrites.com
Twitter-@charitybradfordFacebook Page
Some other links and articles about reasons rape goes unreported are here, here, here, and here.
Knowing why women (and men, for that matter) DON'T report rape is important -- it's important to understand WHY rape goes unreported. But how do we change this? What can we do to help those who have been raped reclaim their lives -- their senses of self -- their empowerment?
Thanks for having me over today Phyl. This is always a hard topic to talk about. I know it's been one of my biggest fears most of my adult life. The "what if?" How would I deal with it. I don't know even now.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure. I hope we get lots of thoughtful feedback on this very sensitive and important issue.
DeleteI knew someone who had something similar happen. She said no but he didn't stop so she just shut up so it would be over. I suspect that situation is a lot more common than anyone thinks. As for what we can do...even if it doesn't get reported and no one gets charged, it's still important for the person to talk about what happened with someone so they realize they were not at fault - the person who didn't listen was.
ReplyDeleteTough topic.
Thanks for your comment. I believe you're absolutely right. It IS a tough topic and women need to talk about it. Both genders need to talk about not raping, but stereotypically, women who have been raped need to talk through emotions and figure out how to re-empower themselves. And often need to have an outside voice telling them it is OK to do so.
DeleteThanks for stopping by mshatch. It is a hard topic to talk about, but as you pointed out, the situation you mentioned probably happens every day all over the world. Here's hoping victims everywhere have at least one person on their side they can talk to.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an important topic. Thank you for sharing it with the women of the world. I personally have not experienced this but there are many women that have and have suffered for many years of their life.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by Nancy!
DeleteThanks, Nancy!
DeleteIMO, one of the worst things a person can say to a rape victim is, "I understand what you're going through," when they really don't. That can be said for any tragedy though.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true! Why is it so hard for us to just be listeners sometimes? To say, I'm here for you and let that be enough. Men are accused of wanting to "fix" things, but women try to do it too.
DeleteGreat comment, Huntress. I admit to being a wanna-be fixer. It is hard to listen and support without fixing -- removing the person's autonomy.
DeleteI wonder how many times something like the story you shared happens every day to girls too young to understand they weren't to blame? As a teacher, I cringe when I see older boys with those girls who are only 14 or 15. Great post.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a tough and important topic. One out of five, I think, is the statistic for sexual assault and rape victims among women - and unfortunately, based on my own experience and the experiences of other women I've talked to, I think the statistic hits pretty close to the real deal. And, I agree with Huntress, even if we "understand" based on an experience of our own, each woman's story needs to be heard and listened to.
ReplyDelete@Susan, it must be so hard to be a teacher of teens. There is so much pressure on them and they just don't get how important choices can be at that stage of life.
ReplyDelete@Tyrean, statistics are scary in that only reported cases are counted. I also imagine its hard to talk about your own story when you're afraid people won't listen or will find some way to put blame on you.
In a way, even though the rape in my story isn't the main focus, and I feel the story itself is lighter in tone, I hope the girls and women who read it will pick up on the importance of loving themselves. That's really my message. I don't know how to fix things. Only God can do that on judgement day in a completely satisfactory way, but I firmly believe that learning to love ourselves can help us be strong in the face of adversity.
Although I truly believe that all sexual assaults should be reported to the authorities, I know that will never happen. In reality, I would only hope that they find someone, anyone, they could share their story with. Sometimes the secret is the burden that weighs down the spirit so much, its impossible to move on.
ReplyDeleteHeather