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Monday, May 16, 2016

Even Nigerian Princes Need Grammar...

Help Wanted!
... and I am just the grammarian to help out.

I'm sending out applications to online education services --- trying to become an editor or at least get a few editing gigs under my belt to help me fill out weak areas in my resume. And it wouldn't hurt to make money, either. I have edited friend's papers -- and you know I'm secretly correcting the grammar on all Facebook memes, posts, and comments -- but I don't get paid enough* to declare myself a company and I didn't do the work for a specific company. I need to change one of those.



So here is the cover letter I sent to XXXXXXXX with my resume. I hope you find the humor in it.

Phyl Campbell
email
address
address

Editor
XXXXXXXX
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address

Dear Beloved Friend,

I know this message will come to you as a surprise, but permit me to tell you of my desire to enter into a business relationship with you.

I am Mrs. Phyl Campbell, a daughter of a very poor but hardworking farmer and nurse. Unlike the parents of Nigerian princes, my parents have not been murdered, but in fact are very much alive and have no money with which to entice you into a poor business agreement. However, if I met a Nigerian prince, I would help him with his grammar. The emails I receive from these princes are quite painful to read.

I am here seeking an avenue to transfer my knowledge of grammar and editing into the accounts of your program. I wish to know that you are a reliable and trustworthy person with whom to entrust the richness of my knowledge.
Please, I will offer you one hundred percent of my diligence and commitment to grammar. I wish to urgently transfer my skills without delay and also wish to not relocate, but to work remotely as life in my city is peaceful and I know you have these opportunities available.

Working for XXXXXXXX would allow me to continue my education in the giant lesson of life. Your immediate canned response of application receipt would be appreciated, followed by contact in a week or two because I really want us to have a business relationship, working together toward XXXXXXXX’s commitment to benign world domination.

Cordially yours,

Phyl Campbell
Phone
email
address
address

What's the oddest cover letter you've ever sent?


I'm also looking to teach more publishing classes in town and online. If you want to join in, be sure to connect with me!




* I have been paid in tamales once, and food often. Though I am the LAST person to make critique about food, others in my house drooled over my payment plan. Mmm! Tamales!